This is the first time I've had beer this early in the morning for, well, who knows how long. Years. The fact that it's particularly good beer pretty much entirely excuses the exercise, and anyway, the milk left over from last week was a little smelly.

Sooooooooo, there's some websites being launched tonight, and I'm putting the finishing touches on the last of them. Actually, finishing touches isn't entirely correct. I've still got some niggling code problems which I don't expect to solve without resorting to javascript or tables, neither of which I am a massive fan of using.

In the meantime: The launch is at 6pm tonight, at The Farm. There's apparently going to be alcohol available for those who are into that kind of thing, aaaaaaand.. I'm probably even going to be there.

But now? Now I have to finish a website. Stupid.

I have often heard girls complaining about guys not being able to aim. About there being piss all over the seat/floor/walls/ceiling/front of your pants.

They think that you just point your cock in the general direction and you'll be fine. Its a pretty big target, its not like you need a laser sight.

And most of the time thats right. Thats all you have to do and its as easy at it sounds. Most of the time. Unless we're really drunk, or we're trying to take a slash in the middle of an earthquake or something.

The aiming isnt the problem. Its the inability to see into the future.

You see, you're assuming that everythings going to come out straight and true. And thats the assumption that leads to your misguided ideas about what it means to piss standing up.

Because things wont always open up right and come out straight. It wont always come out at the obvious angle. It wont always go the same distance. It wont maintain its trajectory for the duration of the piss. These are things are near impossible to predict. If you want to do the deterministic chaos theory, I wont piss on the seat. Until then you can shut the fuck up while I do my best to wipe it up.

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I posted this because I've often heard it complained about but never heard it explained.

Oh, and I'm pretty fuckin stoned and unfunny.

Piss whereever you want dave. As long as you clean it up afterwards I dont think anyone will care. Or I wont anyway, especially since I'm so far away.

Piss whereever you want dave. As long as you clean it up afterwards I dont think anyone will care. Or I wont anyway, especially since I'm so far away.

I could concievably make you regret that. But its even less likely than me forming a coherant sentence free of spelling errors and shit.

Right now my friends, I am fucked. Very fucked. I have a plate on my lap, piled with bread because I have the munchies and its pretty good bread man.

Walking home, the usual bullshit was running through my drag addled brain. Suddendly I paused, hand on the front door of my house. 'Dave' the little men in my brain said, 'That might just be a bit of material for jaymis comments'. Right, there will be fuck all else to do, so I'll do that. Turned my wrist the the left, entered my house, walked into some furniture, got me some bread and came in and sat down in front of the computer.

Fuck.

What was the material? It was pretty good stuff. Fuck man. It was only 5 minutes ago.

Maybe if I pull that retrace your steps trick. You walk in a room, can't remember why but it all comes back to you once you go back to the original room.

I'll jump on, retrace the strange linkages in my brain and eat my bread.

Its not coming. In fact by writing this is preventing me from really stopping and concentrating. The bread is starting to stick in my throat.

Start from the beginning. Stoner meet. Confined to this shitty little underhouse room. Nothing else to do.

Table full of empty bottles, a dog checkin me out, some stoners, some slashed up furniture.

Have a cone dave (I had bud before I walked in the door, but I didn't get to have it through a purple double chamber bong. Swing it this way next), stick your rum in the fridge (this ones nearly empty) hey, the cats back.

the cat had been crawling around under the house for a while. it had finally emerged to check out whats going on. it shouldnt have drawn attention to itself.

after failing to get the dog and the cat to fight, the owner of the animals decided it might get things started if it picked up the cat and threw it at the dog.

they didnt fuck each other up, but it was funny in a really cool way.

cat finally gets up the nerve to come back in.

hey.. lets get the cat stoned.

the bong goes round, the cat gets a turn. looks funny. starts staring at things and losing concentration. hasnt gotten the never to move.

ha the cats stoned (hey cat... come here.. look at me.. look at me.. okay.. ive got this box which blocks out all sound.. im going to put the box over your head and your not going to be able to hear us anymore.. okay, im putting the box ov........)

lets turn on the strobe light. (hey man watch the candle, its totally fuckin munted) lets turn the strobe off (how fuckin smooth does everything look now?) lets have another cone.

leaving party walking home. thinking i need distracting. thinking i need food. thinking thats material for jaymis.com.

but it wasnt this, so what the fuck was it?