I'm allowed to make this announcement now. I just did in fact. It's up there. You've already read it. I'm going to be an Uncle.

I've actually known this for a little under a week, but have been unable to make any kind of public announcement about it because She Who From Whence My Nephew Is Going To Sprout decided for some reason to tell all of the important players in a rather peacemeal fashion. Doling out Son/Nephew/Grandson rights over a period of time meant that eventually the holders of the information were in a state of constantly prodding Brie saying things like "Tell Dad, please tell him so I can stop hiding it, I'm crap at hiding things and I don't want to accidentally tell him because I forget that I'm not supposed to."

I received a phonecall from Brie last night, she told Dad, finally. Of course he didn't spack out, apparently he was enthralled in the ultrasound images which Brie used to broach the subject. I wasn't there, but I'm guessing that it went something like this:

Brie gives ultrasound printout to Dad

Dad: What's this?
Brie: That's your Grandson, see, there's his penis, hence Grandson

Ok, almost certainly not, but that's how I would have done it.

A little on the pedigree: I'm not sure if I've really mentioned Dan before in terms of the Guy who's Really Good Friends with my sister, but there's no real reason for me not to, because Dan is awesome. As the big brother I'm supposed to act like some kind of surly gatekeeper in the presence of my sister's boyfriends, and for various of the past ones this has been a pretty simple role to take on, because some of them were fuckwits. She's been getting better recently; the previous one was at least able to conduct conversations with other humans, but Briebs is a little choosier (which is good), and upgraded last year to basically the best possible boyfriend a big brother could want for his little sister.

They look great together - both are basically the same height (close enough to 5' tall that adding further inches doesn't really disguise the fact that they're shortbums), and what Brie has in long blonde hair and fair skin Dan makes up for in short spiky black hair and enough melanin to donate a little, enable me to be able to actually spend more than 2 minutes at a time in the sun and still be able to not worry about sunscreen himself. I personally will be interested to find out which genes dominate out of our Scottish/English/French/Anglo-Mongrel ones and Dan's Fillipino ones, but there is buggerall chance of an ugly baby, which is good, because the world doesn't need more ugly babies.

So. Cute couple: Check. What else? Have I mentioned that he's been Australian Karate Champion, that his Mum (who is even shorter and cuter) is current Australian Karate Champion for her age group, and that this totally eliminates the need for surly brother guard duty? I'm pretty sure most of the role as big brother overseer of the boyfriend pool is to make sure that the lil sister is hooked up with someone who's able to look after her and, well Dan could do a much better job of this than I, even if I was kitted out with my choice of spikey weaponry and/or tactical thermonuclear weapons.

Sister in good (strong, lethal) hands: Check.

So does he love and respect her as a boyfriend/daddy should? Let me tell you a little story:

A couple of months ago I was introduced - in the space of a couple of days and by two seperate sources no less (one of them being Dan) - to the wonders of Mi Goreng. Those of you who have a little more contact with me than this site will be aware that recently these noodles have been making up a large and possibly alarming proportion of my diet. Well I'm saving up to go see my princess, and at 25¢ per meal they're about as bank account friendly as a foodstuff can get. As much as I've been eating of them though, Brie and Dan go through even more, as Dan makes them both breakfast every morning of Mi Goreng, probably egg and possibly ham/bacon. I don't know about you guys, but I find this indescribably cute. To me this is irrefuteable evidence that he is a fantastic guy and probably deserves a Nobel Prize of some description. Is there a Nobel Breakfast Prize? There should be.

Ok. Dan rocks. You get the picture.

Funnily enough, I had a vague idea in my head when I was in Toowoomba about a month ago that Briebs had put on a bit of weight. This is interesting for two reasons: First being that I am extremely vague and it'd probably take some not so subtle hints to make me realise if she's grown a second head in my absence, let alone gained some extra tummy real estate. Secondly she coaches gymnastics several times a week, and while Mum's genes and cooking skills conspire against us being cast as extras in a prisoner of war drama, Brie is generally in quite good shape. I didn't really think much about it though. Someone who spends as much time sitting in front of computers as I do should thank Jehovah that they don't require a winch to leave the house, and should never call anyone else fatty lest the gods of creaking chairlegs take notice and bless us with a Massive Gut Of Retribution With Ensuite And Walk-In Wardrobe.

It turns out that I was correct though, she had aquired some more weight. And a passenger.

I'm not sure how accurate the whole due-date thing is with babies. I know libraries can be almost infinitely flexible - I've still got a book on my shelf that was due back to the UQ SS&H library sometime in 2002 - but I think babies give slightly fewer overdue notices, completely forsake the late fees and instead come tumbling out and demand boob. The date that doctors have apparently placed on the commencement of Brie's boob-demand is the 26th of August.
Dad's birthday is on the 27th of August. It seems very likely that his 52nd birthday present may be Grandpa-ness.

I, however, am currently scheduled to be Somewhere In Europe On A Sexy Holiday Gallavanting Around With My Lover for all of June, July and August. Well that was the plan, happarently the plan has changed slightly and towards the end of August I'll be coming back to Australia. Something about a joyous family occasion I think, to tell you the truth I wasn't paying that much attention because my brain kept echoing at me - uncle, uncle, uncle, uncle, uuuuuuunnnnnnnnnncccccccccccllllllllleeeeeeeeee.

Not that anyone needed any more demonstration that I can be a bit vague if I put my mind to it, but last Wednesday night, in a state of blissfull ignorance to what was about to unravel Brie dropped the following bomb into our conversation:

I've got some important news to tell you

Immediately my brain started on the internal monologue which it infallibly brings in when a girl I know says this to me. In this case it probably went a little like: "Oh, another one's getting married, well at least this one isn't an ex-girlfriend, I haven't had any exes get married or have babies so far this year, must be some kind of record. Well that's pretty cool, I'd basically hoped that she and Dan would do something like this, it'd be pretty good to be able to say to someone "if you don't let me play on the swings I'll get my brother in law to beat you up, cause he's the karate champion of Australia, and he could kill you with his bare hands tied behind someone else's back. Pity I'm not in primary school anymore, that could have been really useful..." In the midst of this (simulated) ramble, Brie dropped:

You're going to be an uncle

...ramble continued: "Uncle? Isn't it brother-in-law when there's a marriage? For someone to become an uncle there has to be some kind of baby involv-- Aaah."

Which leads us inexorably to here. Dan knows and is perfect for it. Mum knows. I know. Dad knows. Now you know. Let the rejoicment commence to begin.

Congrats Dude! sounds like they've got some kind of gymnastic, martial arted uber baby in the making there...

I agree on the usefullness of having dangerous associates, i once used the "well my dad's in the army and he'll come and beat you up" on some kid in primary school. i don't think it worked very well, which is why it's probably fortunate i haven't been in a fight since then...

Congratualtions to everyone involved. How exciting!! Should I start knitting booties now?

jaybee would be the most awesome dad, which coupled with his penchance for random shopping ventures is going to make him the most kick ass uncle.

all i can say is how long until he and the tike are walking around in matching printed 3/4 jeanie goodness proclaiming "Jaymis:UnKle" and "Tike:Neffewe" to the world...

yay!

James

Where do babies come from?