29/1/2005
4 weeks from now I'll be back in Bangkok, hopefully spending my last remaining euros on good food and bad shopping and preparing to return to Aus.
Now in 7 months (so far) away I haven't done that much in the way of blogging. There has been some sporadic action but really this whole travel thing has been much harder work than I expected. Even with steady accomodation there hasn't been that much spare time, and of that which I've had most has been spent snuggling the Girlthing™. Something I haven't had nearly enough time to do while making videos of things and sodding around various locations doing various things. Without Internet.

Computerish things I have managed to get done:
- Learn Lots about After Effects
- Rate almost all of my iTunes library, and make some cool smart playlists
- Categorize and database most of the 5500+ photos we've taken so far.
- Change my email client to M2, which is rocking the monkey that's in turn rocking the party.
- Put so many applications on my laptop that it has digital brain cancer. Task 1 when I get back to Aus is Reformat The Laptop.

... And That is as far as I managed to get. Not sure what stole my attention while I was writing that, but it was 3 weeks ago, so I think I might have been on a train going to or returning from Venice, which was a bit the suck. More about that later.

Right now: I am in a huge transparent pyramid, outside Vienna. Its a venue. I have spent the last couple of weeks - except for a Snowboarding trip in the middle, more about that later - producing and rendering some huge videowall action. I'm talking 1997x768px videowall spread over 3 screens. Rendering this on my LAPTOP, has been SHITHOUSE. More about that later.
So this venue apparently used to be some kind of indoor tropical oasis. Just behind me are bungalows three and four, which people apparently rented, so they could take their family holiday in a great big transparent pyramid tropical oasis thing, in the middle of Austrian winter. Now the pool has been filled in and its been turned into a giant transparent pyramid venue. They say the artificial-tropical-island thing didn't make enough money. Shock of the year.
At the moment I am Rendering like MIPS' bitch, and am about to pay 6 Euro for 30 minutes net access so I can send an SMS to mein Rachgirl. My phone has run out of batteries, she has no idea what I'm up to and it's 10pm. Boyfriend of the year award, slipping, from, fingers.

When I pay for my golden wireless net access I think I shall post this and then continue writing a new entry. Good plan me. Let's do that.

Ready?

SETGO!

(More About Stuff Later)

Username: cc#105617
Password: hayospue
This is my A1 Really Expensive Wireless Internet Time username and password. Go me!

...Some time later.

So, I'm not even sure if that managed to post. Stupid A1 Really Expensive Wireless Internet required a Stupid Popup Window to remain logged in. Explorer now blocks popups and I don't think their Stupid Popup Window even works in opera, so the Stupid A1 Really Expensive Wireless Internet of Ripoffness logged me out every time I tried to post a form on the net. Wonderful.

Still rendering. Still in Austria. Have I mentioned that the gig I'm currently working on is for a Barmitzvah? I haven't? Well it bloody well is. Half a million euros worth of Barmitzvah. 7 hours of programmed entertainment. Massive Ex-Indoor-Tropical-Oasis decked out like a bad Changing Rooms nightmare was raped by a tulle factory. They even got the Massively Talented Yet Incredibly Cheap Video Guru of 2000px Crazy Aspect Ratio Video Walls: Me.

If only I wasn't totally over it all. If only the stupid hazer smoke and No-Anti-Smoking-Laws-At-All-I'm-Not-Even-Kidding wasn't making my lungs hurt. If only the retard on the lighting board hadn't just shined that damn motorized light directly into my eyes from 3m away. If it wasn't for all of that, and a lack of sleep, and a lack of quality girl time, and several other lacks, then I would be having a total blast.

Now I've got a headache.

We went snowboarding last week. It was about as awesome as I expected, and about twice as painful as I expected. More than a week later my butt is still sore.
Rach's Ex Nathan had came to stay with us for a couple of days and he tagged along when we left Wien at somewhere in the region of 8ish AM to get ourselves to Gruenau by lunchtime so we could put in a bit of board time in the afternoon. Plan worked spectacularly, got ourselves to the Treehouse Hotel just after lunch. They are fantastic enough to have a huge selection of the sexiest 80s ski gear for useless australians who don't own their gear. Photos to come, but I'll just get it out in the open now that I ended up in skin tight, purple, flared, neoprene ski pants. Padded knees and some kind of silver arrows on there as well. Words really can not describe how sexy these pants were. Not to mention functional.

I've never snowboarded before. Or skied. The only sliding down of snow covered mountain I have ever achieved in my life was about 2 months ago when we previously visited the treehouse for a couple of days. The lifts and ski hire were closed so we just went bushwalking up the mountain, happened upon the home run which had the snowmakers out and slid down it on our butts.
So from this excellent skiing pedigree I approached the ski hire shop in my FrankenHosen. The guys in the shop spoke english to us before we even opened our mouths - apparently they've seen a lot of retarded Aussies turn up in these same amazing pants. Rach and I got kitted out with snowboards and Nathan (who worked for a while in Whistler and is not a SkiWeenie) got himself a set of skis. He's a bit of an impatient lad, so while Rach was taking way too long to decide which angle she wanted her feet pointing he charged off to the counter to finalise his ski hire and get out onto the slopes. We wandered over about 3 minutes later (she ended up getting her back foot straightened to about 5 degrees) to find Nathan sitting behind the counter, grim look on face, clutching a bloodied teatowel to his right wrist.

Apparently people who aren't SkiWeenies know that skis, especially new ones, are meant to be sharp. I wasn't aware of this but as Nath was sitting and leaking I checked out the edge of my board - which was also new - and decided that I wouldn't be carrying it without wearing gloves.
Apparently Nathan in his excitement had managed to drop his skis and somehow slide his right wrist along the edge of one of them. Inch long gash down to tendons (but no vein or arterial damage fortunately), Nathan had to sit waiting for a doctor while Rach took me outside to the kinderslope so she could show me the basics of snowboarding. I can do the basics of skateboarding reasonbly well so standing up on a board while not strapped in to anything was pretty straightforward. Ditto for sliding down a small incline with my front food strapped in. These lessons and a couple of visits to see if Nathan had been pieced back together again passed time so the ski school was over, kinders cleared from the kinderslope and I trudged my way to the top of their hill to have my first fully strapped in snowboarding experience. I must say that it went brilliantly.

I think in hindsight my first lesson should have been "How To Stop Correctly", because apparently digging your front edge into the snow and being catapaulted head first to the ground isn't the cleverest technique ever. Quite painful though, and the ski school instructor chicky informed me that I was about 5cm away from smacking my head into the ground. Nice. Falling over on snow doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as falling onto the street though. Even with a couple of kilos worth of snowboard and boots that look like they should be bouncing across the lunar surface stacks that would have had me lacerated from forehead to ankle if I'd been on a skateboard just knocked the wind out of me and showered all exposed skin with ice crystals.

After I'd mastered stopping Rach showed me the Falling Leaf Technique, which pussy snowboarders use to make sure they don't get up enough speed to do the Dig Leading Edge Into Snow Fly Through Air And Create Divots With Knees Or Face Maneuver. Falling Leaf entails stopping, and then stopping again. Stop on the left, stop on the right. Keep stopping. Stop your way down the hill.
It would almost be peaceful if I didn't keep trying to go straight and axe myself on a fence or overbalance into metre deep uncompacted snow.
So after about an hour of trudging up and boarding down the pussiest slope in the entire region Rach decided that: 1) She had had enough and 2) I was getting good enough to do some real damage if I kept going, so we stuck our boards in storage and got back to the hostel. Nathan was in bed feeling shithouse but I believe we managed to coax him down with promises of beer and food. We may have played Star Wars Monopoly. I may have kicked arse. It may have been the first time I've won - or even completed - a game of monopoly for a long time. The property set that allowed me to beat the others into submission? The Death Star of course. That's Trafalgar Square and its brethren in normal monopoly.
Go me.

Snowboarding Lessons Learnt, Day 1:
Falling Leaf may not look as sexy as carving your way down the slope, but if you haven't developed enough carving skills it gives you a lot more Standing Up Time and a lot less Gouging Chunks Out Of The Slope With Various Bodyparts Time.
If you're going to be falling extatically face first into that nice, soft, metre thick drift of snow at the end of a successful ride, make sure you're wearing gloves and the arms of your jacket aren't liable to ride up to your arms as soon as you hit. Trying to dig your way down to unbuckle the board with bare arms which have been frozen to the elbow, well, it's neither efficient nor sexy.

Bed Status After Skiing Day One: Rambunctious (we hadn't had a room to ourselves for more than a week) but Painful. By actual Go To Sleep time Rach was doing some stretches to make sure she didn't wake up too sore, and I was unable to change my body position without focussing all of my will into each individual body part and moving them in turn.
Sleep Status: Sleep of drunken toddler.

Wake Up. Clothes.

The hardest thing about snowboarding for me is the getting up. I'm not the most flexible example of humankind. Until Rach (a.k.a. BendyToy) started teaching me some Yoga I hadn't been able to touch my toes for probably close to 10 years. When we had a big apartment and a bit more time/privacy I was getting my Yoge on pretty regularly and could, like, TOTALLY touch my toes. That was 2 months ago. I can't touch my toes anymore, and the most efficient method for getting up on a snowboard basically goes like Touch Your Toes And Lean Forward. If you can't touch your toes the alternative technique goes a bit like Bend Down As Much As You Can Push Off With Back Hand Almost Make It Board Moves The Wrong Way Fall Back Onto Hands Bunnyhop Down Slope In Soldier Crab Stance Finally Manage A Hard Enough Shove To Get Upright Holy Shit How Did I Do That?

Bed Status After Skiing Day Two: Unable to move any part of body for any reason whatsoever. Naked girl lying nearbye goes largely ignored.
Sleep Status: Sixteenth Year Of Coma - Relatives Have Stopped Visiting.

It's now 2:35AM and I'm still at the Pyramidical Ex-Oasis Venue of Shitloads Of Smoke Particles. Only had 4 hours sleep last night. Feeling shite. Going to fall asleep under the table unless I get home soon.

19/02/2005 - 4:27PM.
So I made it home by 3:30ish. Rach was getting worried enough to be almost at the stage of calling Tom up to see what was happening. I think I still have my Boyfriend of the Year Award nomination, but I think I'm going to have to do some impressive work to get in serious contention for the prize. I will have to be amazing. I might even have to give her sex, but I'm going to hold out on that for as long as I can.

So, back at the Smoke-Filled Pyramid of Ex-Tropical Oasis Doom. Europe as a whole isn't nearly as smoker friendly as it was last time I visited. Ireland has full smoking bans in place, even in bars and clubs. This is so damn awesome it hurts my peen. Going out drinking for a night, getting home fitshased and not smelling like you've been tarred, feathered, burnt and rolled in an ashtray is a pretty nice feeling. You can go to sleep in a warm alcoholic glow rather than needing to have a shower to wash the smoke off and sober you up.

Ireland was fun. Have I written about Ireland yet? Probably not. Actually, I really should do a bit of a summary of what the last 8 months have entailed, and then I can kind of work through it as I remember things. Actually, probably the most efficient way to figure it out is by going through the photo database. It extracts the date and time photos were taken so I can see exactly where I was on certain days. That is a Good Thing, because if it was left to my brain there would be problems.

In the meantime, a rough and ready summary of Jaymis' Travels Through Europe And Surrounds Is As Follows:

Arrive in Munich mid July.
2 weeks-ish with Rainer in Halfing. Side trip to see Momix gig in Klagenfurt.
August: Move to Waidring to hang out with the Riezouws and do some work with Robert. Intended Stay Time: 2 weeks. Actual Stay Time: 2 months? Have to check that one out. I remember having a plane ticket to meet Rach in Ireland on the 18th of August, but Robert and Lotus convinced me instead to postpone my ticket and fly Rach in to Austria.
27th August: Nephew Born. Still in Waidring.
September: Get apartment in Waidring. Rach goes off for a bit of a trip to other bits of regional Austria, Salzburg, Wien, Prague.. I think she may return for a bit before leaving again to check out Greece with Jude. Crap. This is getting confusing. Time to refer to the photo database. Ok.

26th August: Rach goes off
27th August: Nephew Born. Still in Waidring.

Sept: Rach comes back. Hanging out in apartment.
Mid September: Rach goes to see relations in Southern Germany. Jay goes to Regensburg to do work with Tom on Anna Maria Kaufmann gig.
Week later: Rach meets Jay in Regensburg. Spend night in Sexiest Antique Bed Ever. Jay gains shisha addiction.
Go to Munchen for Oktoberfest. Turn up on Saturday at 1pm. Every hall is overfull. Nobody is being let in. Bouncers at the doors are punching overzealous punters. We snap a couple of photos, I get a schintzel sandwhich and we bolt.
Rach flies from Munchen to Greece to hang with Jude. They spend some time having a blast and some time being pissed off at Greek men, pissed off at Greek attitudes and pissed off at having to pay so much money to experience the attitudes and men. Jay works butt off in Regensburg. Jay goes back to Waidring to finish of

Now it's the day after the show. All over. About to do some final organizational stuff before we put Rach onto a train to Linz tonight so she can fly to London, Helsinki and then finally Bangkok on wednesday. I meet her on Thursday. Yay.

23/02/2005 - I tried to post this again the other day but apparently my Chi was all out of alignment or some shit because, hey! It didn't post. Son of bitch.
Now I'm on a regional train to NearMunchen, going to spend a night with Rainer and eat some Italian Food That Doesn't Suck (unlike the stuff I got in Italy which was PantsORama) before hooking onto a plane tomorrow night destined for Bangkok and emotional reunion with girl I haven't seen for two whole days. That is going to be eight different colours and flavours of emotional let me tell you.

I'm about to write a big "hey, I haven't seen you for a long time, but I'll be back soon so we can totally hug then" email to everyone. It should be delivered about the same time that this post goes up, so if you're reading this post but didn't get an email it means that I don't have your email address anymore, so you should email me.
If you don't have my email address I'm not going to post it here because of evil spambots, but I can give you a hint: It rhymes with "jaymis hat jaymis dot com".

Anyone caught sending email to "jaymiscatjaymis.com" will be summarily executed.

I am lovink yous al.

Wow. You've been doing lots of stuffs.

Too bad we didn't get to catch up... but I'm sure one day we will, seeing as it's looking increasingly likely that I will be one day moving to Australia (Married to a kiwi - working for an Australian company).

Too bad I also didn't get to go skiing this year. It's snowing hard outside and your writings make me jealous.

jay,
just a message to say that you have to come back,
simply because i miss you guys!
you and rach should move in with us in london and we'll have toblerone and chai and look at baby photos.
sounds scarey but i think it's worth a little try!
you should be expecting one,
not baby! an email you muffin muffin!